Cullen Christmas Carols
by sarenelsoria
Summary: Christmas Carols, Cullen Style! First carol up Deck The Halls Volturi style.
1. Deck The Halls Volturi Style

* * *

**Deck The Halls Volturi Style  
**

The Volturi were getting ready for the holiday season, every year they sang christmas carols and had their own special tradition because Aro insisted upon it. They first sang deck the halls. Aro was careful to get a human named Holly every year.

** Deck the halls with bolws of Holly.**

Poor Holly's remains were desplayed throughout the underground city of Volterra.  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Tis the season to be jolly.**

"Come on Marcus turn that frown upside down, its christmas after all!" Aro said to Marcus who glared at him.

"You know full well that I don't see the point of this holiday." Aro ignored his coven brother and skipped happily away singing.  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la. **

**Don we now our gay apparel,**

"Come on guard I bought those tutus for you, now you have to wear them! And the dresses." Aro said before skipping off again..  
**Fa la la, la la la, la la la.  
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol,**

"Where's my Yule?"  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.**

**See the blazing Yule before us,**

"Excelent more flame, watch Yule burn!" Marcus shook his head not having the heart to tell his brother that the vampire they were burning name was not Yule.  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la. **

**Strike the harp and join the chorus.**

"Where's my harp music oh Jane!"

"Yes oh wise Aro."

"Play the harp for me."

"Sir I could make a symphany of pain if you wished but music is not my gift."

"Pretty please?"

"Yes Aro, I will play the harp." Jane gets out a harp and terrible screechy harp music fallows.

"Jane what is that? It sounds like a cat dying!"

"I am sorry master but I don't know how to play the harp."

"You don't know how, why didn't you say so in the first place?"  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.**

**Follow me in merry measure,**

"Make with the merry people, make with the merry.  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
While I tell of Yuletide treasure,**

"Where's the yuletide treasure when you need it?"  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.**

**Fast away the old year passes, **

"Another year of making people fear our might has passed! Yea Volturi!"  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses, **

"Come on Jane and Alex hail the new year with me!"

"Wouldn't you prefer it if I tortured people, instead of being tortured?"

"Yes, Felix wanted me for a mission.

"No, come on Jane, hail oh mighty new year hail."

Alex and Jane join him in worshiping the new year when Felix walks in, laughs and then walks out again.  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.**

**Sing we joyous, all together, **

"Come on everybody sing!"  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Heedless of the wind and weather,**

"Because we're vampires, muhahahahah."  
**Fa la la la la, la la la la**

Well that was random, hope you enjoyed it.

* * *


	2. Twelve days of Alice Shopping

* * *

It was twelve days before Christmas when Emmett spontaneously broke into song.

**On the first day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me, **

**One yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the second day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the third day of Christmas, **

**Alice gave to me ,**

**Three pregnancy tests  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

** On the fourth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

** On the fifth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

** On the sixth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the seventh day of Christmas, **

**Alice gave to me,**

**Seven sweedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

** On the eighth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Eight visions of the future,**

**Seven Swedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the ninth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Nine vegetarian vampires,**

**Eight visions of the future,**

**Seven Swedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the tenth day of Christmas, **

**Alice gave to me,**

**Ten raving werewolves,**

**Nine vegetarian vampires,**

**Eight visions of the future,**

**Seven Swedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the eleventh day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Eleven glorious grizzly bears,  
**

**Ten raving werewolves,**

**Nine vegetarian vampires,**

**Eight visions of the future,**

**Seven Swedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

**On the twelfth day of Christmas,**

**Alice gave to me,**

**Twelve dressers full of designer clothing,**

**Eleven glorious grizzly bears,  
**

**Ten raving werewolves,**

**Nine vegetarian vampires,**

**Eight visions of the future,**

**Seven Swedish silk scarves,**

**Six silver bracelets shining, **

**Five golden purses,**

**Four purple cell phones,**

**Three pregnancy tests,  
**

**Two tickets to see the Volturi,**

**And a yellow porche crashed into a tree**

"Emmet honestly, one would think that you would show an example to Nessie." Bella said and Nessie smiled.

"Its alright Mommy, I like Emmett he's funny." Nessie replied. "He told me that a fat human would give me what I want, if I write a letter to him. I'm asking for blood and maybe a new doll and lots of blood." Bella laughed and kissed Nessie on the cheek.

"I'm back from the store, would you believe that they are having amazing sales still?" Alice asked smiling, carrying in twelve shopping bags. "I even got some great things at seventy percent off from Mervans, people never look in the ceiling vents they should more often."

"Did you have fun Alice?" Jasper asked coming down from their bedroom.

"Yes, I had a great time, I even saw Santa, he said he would come tomorrow with his elves."

"Really? Yea!" Nessie said and clapped her hands delightedly. "Can Clairy come too?"

"I see no reason why Claire can't come as well." Bella said and Nessie smiled.

"I love you Mommy." Nessie said and snuggled into Bella's arms.

"I love you too little one." Bella replied smiling down at her daughter as she fell asleep in her arms.

* * *


	3. Santa Paul and His 'Merry' helpers

* * *

Santa Paul and His 'Merry' helpers

"Jacob do we seriously have to do this? Its insulting." Paul demanded.

"Paul honestly, when do I ever ask you to do anything? You should be more willing to help your brother out more often, anyway its also for Claire."

"But its them! Its the Cullens!" Paul growled shaking.

"I know and if you don't want the name Polly getting out to the pack you'll do this little favor for me. I'm not asking for much just you to be the jolly fat man for a while."

"I'm not fat and I don't do jolly." Paul replied.

"Leah is going to be your elf, think of it the bossing possibilities related to Christmas!"

"Rachel your brother is insane!" Paul yelled into the kitchen.

"Polly Wollikins, you'll do this for me won't you? You'd make a great Santa and just think, someday you might get to be one for our children. Therefore think of it as practice."

"Anything for you Rachelly WooWoo." Paul replied as Jacob made gagging sounds.

"Be quiet little brother, by the way Polly Wollikens your underneath the mistletoe

"I am aren't I?" Paul replied.

"Ew gross, I'm leaving, remember to come at the right time, one o'clock today remember."

"Yeah, sure sure kid." Paul replied and Jacob raced out the door.

ONE O'CLOCK THE SAME DAY

"Santa's coming!" Nessie shrieked bouncing up and down on Jacob's lap as the doorbell rang out the tune of Jingle Bells.

"Yea." Five year old Claire said sitting on Quil's lap. "Its Santa Quilly!"

"Really then maybe you both should answer the door." Bella said and winked at Claire's mother who was holding the hand of her other daughter Annie.

"Alright." Nessie said and jumped off of Jacob's lap. "Come on Jake Santa is here!" She pulled Jacob by the hand and Jacob smiled at her. However it was all he could do to keep from laughing when he saw Paul in the santa suit with Leah and Seth in elf costumes behind him. "Hi Santa! I'm Nessie and this is Paul!"

"He's not santa!" Annie said.

"I assure you little girl that I am Santa."

"But santa was whiter last time." Annie protested.

"That was just my helper little girl." Paul replied smiling as he went to the armchair and sat down. "Jingle and Holly come in and bring the sack, I think this little girl needs a dolly." Jacob stared at Paul as a sack was brought in stuffed with toys. Paul let out a rumbling laugh and bounced Annie on his knee. "Have you been a good little girl Annie?"

"How did you know my name?"

"Because I'm the real santa." Paul replied smiling. "Now have you been a good little girl."

"Yes, I have." Annie replied smiling.

"Well then what do you want for Christmas?"

"I want a barbie doll and a doll house and a pony."

"A pony really? And where would you keep a pony."

"Alright then I want a kitty." Annie replied smiling as 'Holly' gave her a doll. "Thanks Holly!"

"You are welcome, it is the job of an elf to spread good cheer throughout the year." Jacob smiled as he saw Leah wince.

"Now for Renesme, hmm I seem to remember that you are called Nessie." Paul said. "But your name is written on my list as Renesme, most strange."

"Silly santa." Renesme said laughing. "Everyone calls me Nessie, Renesme is my borned name."

"Birth name Nessie, and its very pretty." Jacob said seeing Bella.

"Thanks Jakey but I like Nessie loads better, because its the name my bestest friend in the entire world gave to me." Nessie said and smiled at Jacob who's head was almost visibly swelling at her words.

"Have you been a good little girl?"

"Yeah!" Nessie replied

"Now what do you want for Christmas Nessie."

"I'll show you Mr. Santa." Nessie replied and put her hand on Paul's forehead.

"You want human blood?" Paul said trembling.

"You sure are jolly Santa! Yeah human blood is the bestest thing." Nessie replied.

"Well then you will have it." Paul said. "Give Nessie a doll from the sack Jingle." Seth reached into the sack and pulled out a porcelain doll.

"Thanks Santa." Nessie said clutching the doll tightly to her.

'You're welcome Nessie. Now where's Claire, I see you over there." Paul said smiling as Claire hid behind Quil.

"Its alright Clairy he's really nice." Nessie said to Claire. "I'll go with you if you want, Quil can come too." Claire nodded and took Nessie's hand as she walked her to Santa.

"What do you want for Christmas little girl?" Paul asked Claire who promptly hid behind Quil again.

"Come on Clairy, talk to him like he's one of the pack." Nessie said and put a hand on Claire's sholder, Santa had a fit of merriment on that one. "Santa its rude to laugh at other people, especially the pack."

"I am sorry Nessie, it is simply that I am visiting the pack next and I'm giving them bones." Paul said and Jacob growled.

"Don't growl at Santa Jake!" Nessie said. "He's the kindest man in the world apart from you and my Daddy." Jacob stopped growling and looked sheepishly at Nessie.

"Now what do you want for christmas little girl?" Paul asked Claire again and she tentitivly peeked from behind Quil's knees.

"A ball?" She asked and 'santa' nodded.

"Very well, get a ball from the sack Holly and perhaps a bat Jingle." Paul said as both Leah and Jake did as he asked. "It is time for me to go, such a busy season Christmas, have a happy holiday be good and I might just come back next year." With that 'Santa' and his merry 'elves' exited.

"See Santa wasn't too scary." Nessie said. "He was nice, are the packs getting together soon Jakey?"

"Well we do usually have a holiday party at Emily's house." Jacob replied smiling. "Would you like to come?"

"Mama? Do you think it would be alright?"

"I don't see why not Nessie, as long as you drink plenty of blood before hand."

"Mama, I wouldn't hunt family, or humans, hunting humans is bad." Nessie said and Bella smiled.

"I know you wouldn't honey, now why don't you say goodbye to Claire, you'll see her tomorrow as well as Annie."

"Alright goodbye Claire, bye Annie."

"Bye Nessie." Claire and Annie said at the same time and they left together.

"Hey Jake would you like some egg nog?" Esme asked coming in from the kitchen. "I made it for the party tomorrow and I want to make sure it tastes alright."

"Sure Esme."

"Can I have some too Grandma Essy?" Nessie asked and Esme smiled.

"Two cups of egg nog it is then." She came back in a moment later with a plain mug for jacob and a bambi drinking cup for Nessie. Edward sat down on the piano.

"Anything you want me to play Nessie?" He asked his daughter.

"Play a santa song."

"Alright baby girl." As Edward started to play everyone sang along to the song.

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause  
Out jumps good ol' Santa Claus  
Down through the chimney with lots of toys  
All for the little ones, Christmas joys  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Up on the housetop, click, click, click  
Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

First comes the stocking of little Nell  
Oh, dear Santa, fill it well  
Give her a dolly that laughs and cries  
One that will open and shut her eyes  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Up on the housetop, click, click, click  
Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Next comes the stocking of little Will  
Oh, just see what a glorious fill  
Here is a hammer and lots of tacks  
Also a ball and a whip that cracks  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Up on the housetop, click, click, click  
Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick.

"That was a good song." Nessie said crawling into Jacob's lap. "You're a good singer Jakey." She yawned, " Jakey will you always be my friend?"

"Always Nessie."

"Good." She replied and snuggled into his lap falling fast asleep once more.

"She gets more like you Bells every day." Jacob said and gently stroked Nessie's hair.

"I know, but she's also like Edward, most of all she's her own person." They nodded and the unlikely family stayed there for a long time.

* * *


	4. Paul The Grey Furred Werewolf

* * *

Rachel smiled at Paul as he came home still wearing his santa suit.

"I bet they loved you Polly Wollikins." Rachel said and Paul smiled spinning her around.

"I missed you Rachely." Paul said.

"Oh Paul,I love you so that's why I wrote you this song its even to the tune of my faveroite christmas carol."

"Not Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!"

"Yes, but I made it for you Polly."

"Then I bet it's wonderful, sing it to me Rachel."

"Alright." Rachel starts to sing

**Paul, the grey furred werewolf,**

**Had a very bad temper problem,**

**And if you ever saw him,**

**You would even say he explodes.**

**All of the other werewolves,**

**used to laugh and call him names**

**(Like drama king)**

**They let poor Paul,**

**Take all of the anger management pain.**

**Then one sunny summer day,**

**Rachel came to stay,**

**Rachel with your hair so black,**

**Won't you please just love me back?**

**Then how he loved her,**

**And Jacob shouted out with anger,**

**Paul, the grey furred werewolf,**

**You'll go down in the legends.**

**(As a murder victim)**

"Your brother wasn't that bad." Paul protested.

"Polly I was almost glad when he defected from the pack, so I could stop worrying about my favorite werewolves killing each other."

"I'll try to get better on with him in the future Rachey."

"Thanks Paul, look mistletoe again. Its almost as if someone deliberately hangs it all around the house." Rachel said and Paul actually blushed, Rachel smiled and taking his face in her hands gently kissed him. "I love you my Santa Paws."

"Rachel, that's horrible." Paul said and laughed.

"I do try, maybe I'll get as bad as Embry someday."

"That's impossible." Paul replied and kissed her again.

* * *


End file.
